IT'S ALL ME

This past few weeks I’ve been on the job application rollercoaster. From editing my resume to fit job posts, to sneaky bouts of imposter syndrome from God-knows-where? to a general feeling of being overwhelmed. But I’ve realized I sometimes do my best work when I’m overwhelmed.

Since I haven’t written in a long time I would like to share a few things like has thought me as a way of saying, Merry Christmas.

Three things money can’t buy that you shouldn’t live without.

KINDNESS, I found myself often angry throughout the year and at a point I strengthened my resolve that I would be mean. Mean people never have to deal with shit, and people let them off the hook with statements like, “Oh, that’s just how she is”, “she’s actually much nicer once you get to know her”. So I figured, if everyone will make excuses for you when you have a terrible character I might as well become that person and care less. But a series of events led me to know that kindness is something to strive for. It is a kind of strength with the capacity to heal people and change lives. So while I could get away with being mean, I’d respect the person I had become so much more if she showed kindness.

RESILIENCE, everyday we hear the words consistency is key. But it’s difficult to remember that when it feels like the turbulent waves of life keep washing over you and leaving you drained of all will to keep fighting. I discovered the strain of consistency that states it’s possible to bend the task at hand to fit your current state, provided you get a little done. If I could give 100% yesterday and all I can give today is 12% then it’s important to me to give the 12% till I can give more. That way I don’t have to abandon my progress on days when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel,  instead I give the most I can and appreciate that when the day comes that I can give my best again, I would be continuing, not resuming.

HOPE, I don’t have a lot to say on this as I often find myself faltering, and being unable to expect better days ahead. But it’s important to know that just as good days are not permanent, neither are bad days and eventually it will all pass away.

Merry Christmas and compliments of the season to all my readers, it has been a year filled with learning, hurting, growing, grace, and unexpected kindness, and I hope we all live to see much brighter days, to give our best on days when it feels like we should hide under a blanket and cry, and to be kind to ourselves as we grow.