IT'S ALL ME

I will start by apologizing for the unannounced, unplanned and frankly unexplainable hiatus. Firstly, my earpiece got bad so I couldn’t listen to music and my inspiration went out the window. For some reason it now only plays the beat of the song but doesn’t play the lyrics. And you would be surprised at just how much inspiration I can draw out of a mundane day when I have my ears plugged and I can fade away into my own world . Secondly, I just got my hair done and it hurts. I have been having constant headaches and I still am, so once again my writing drive is nowhere to be found. I know all of these are just excuses but I really can’t work when my head hurts. Lastly my head and heart have been all over the place and although I try to document these scattered thoughts, there’s only so much even I can make sense of.

On a lighter note, today I successfully bullied my brain into avoiding social media, I was studying and I got tired. My normal response would have been to give in to the endless cycle of mindless scrolling through brain-pulverizing content on any social media I fancied at the moment, but today when I got tired I instead went to look for a YouTube video to explain the reaction of Zinc sulfate solution with EDTA, at least although I would not be reading what I intended to read I still won’t be wasting away my time. It worked… for a while, I soon got bored of the video and studying and came here to talk to you. It’s a small win but you know, I’ll take a win anywhere I can get one right now. I feel a lot like a loser, I’m not covering as much of my course content as I know I can because I’ve been so unmotivated lately, I still feel intimidated by a course I’ve been studying for years now, it feels as if I don’t actually know what the heck I’m doing and I’m just wasting my time. Our lecturers complained that the majority of us did poorly in the last exams although results haven’t been released, and I know how hard I worked last semester. So all in all it feels like a waste… I feel like a waste.

Sorry this turned so bleak, I feel really sad and that’s mostly why I’ve been avoiding pen and paper but I can’t stay away forever. I hope by some inverted luck that this post brings you happiness, hopefully your happiness will bring me happiness. Sorry, you deserve better than this. Goodnight loveli.